Doubt
I don't know why, but I am having reservations about the triathlon. If it were next week, I could understand this doubt, but since it is not until August and I am in pretty good shape at the moment, I just can't understand it. Also, I KNOW I can do it. I can do anything I put my mind to, as I have learned over the course of my life. So why am I feeling this ball of panic welling up inside me? I just looked at the Army Ten Miler info in October and thought how great it would be to run that race. But again, the doubt is creeping in.
As I write this, I think I might have realized the root of the problem. Recently, I faced a big decision in my work life. I had my mind set on something for a while and when it came time to come to fruition, I was talked out of it. Granted, I had limited options. But I know if I really wanted it, I could have made it happen. The thing is, I don't know how much I want it. This thing, this thing I have been looking forward to for three years, suddenly I am unsure. I guess that's why I am feeling panicky about everything lately. I just don't know what I want.
But I DO want to complete the Iron Girl Triathlon, and I do want to keep running and swimming and biking (maybe), and I might just want to do the Army 10 Miler. I don't know what I want in life. It's true. But running sure does help to kick those doubtful feelings in the ass every now and then. I just have to remember to think two steps ahead. With hope, I'll figure out what I want eventually (and maybe while I am running!).
****Training Update****
The pool at the Marriot in Memphis is far from a lap pool. Perhaps if the five teeny boppers weren't toying around I could have gotten some swimming in, but otherwise it just didn't look worth it. Instead, I managed to run a few miles on the treadmill before the wedding ceremonies. Peter and I also made a point of walking off all the bbq we ate at every available opportunity. Yesterday I ran 3.75 miles around the National Mall. I can't say it was an easy run, but I can't say it was difficult either. It just was. My hip is hurting me again though. I think it might be time for new shoes (yippeee!!!). Tonight I'm meeting Beth to do some swim training.
As I write this, I think I might have realized the root of the problem. Recently, I faced a big decision in my work life. I had my mind set on something for a while and when it came time to come to fruition, I was talked out of it. Granted, I had limited options. But I know if I really wanted it, I could have made it happen. The thing is, I don't know how much I want it. This thing, this thing I have been looking forward to for three years, suddenly I am unsure. I guess that's why I am feeling panicky about everything lately. I just don't know what I want.
But I DO want to complete the Iron Girl Triathlon, and I do want to keep running and swimming and biking (maybe), and I might just want to do the Army 10 Miler. I don't know what I want in life. It's true. But running sure does help to kick those doubtful feelings in the ass every now and then. I just have to remember to think two steps ahead. With hope, I'll figure out what I want eventually (and maybe while I am running!).
****Training Update****
The pool at the Marriot in Memphis is far from a lap pool. Perhaps if the five teeny boppers weren't toying around I could have gotten some swimming in, but otherwise it just didn't look worth it. Instead, I managed to run a few miles on the treadmill before the wedding ceremonies. Peter and I also made a point of walking off all the bbq we ate at every available opportunity. Yesterday I ran 3.75 miles around the National Mall. I can't say it was an easy run, but I can't say it was difficult either. It just was. My hip is hurting me again though. I think it might be time for new shoes (yippeee!!!). Tonight I'm meeting Beth to do some swim training.
posted by Stephanie at 1:27 PM
1 Comments:
The doubt's totally normal, it comes with change. If you weren't doubting, you wouldn't be changing - I totally went through this, still go through this... the amazing part is when you overcome it. Again and again and again. :)
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